February 11, 2008
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What do you think about large age differences between significant others?
My wife is four years younger than me (I’m 33, she’s 29). I don’t feel particularly older than her, which is good… I can make references to cartoons I saw as a kid, and she’s seen ‘em all (probably more). We also know the same cheesy songs from the 80′s and 90′s (back when there was this thing called “radio). Ah, good times…
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Comments (69)
Not that big a deal unless you’re talking about anyone under 18 years of age…that is NEVER a good idea. But really, that was a smart move on your part. It’s a well known fact that women mature a lot faster then men…so mentally, you are both the same age.
Wow………radio……..it’s been a while
My parents have an age gap of seven years
Age doesn’t really matter – it’s the personalities clicking and chemistry that does.
Of course, immaturity kills things, as does the inability to connect; that’s why most relationships function best within a 8 year range, at max, but exceptions do exist.
4 years isn’t a big age difference… after a certain age it’s functionally the same age… as in your example of remembering the same things… my upper limit is about 10-12 years (older, and perhaps about 3 years younger, since I’m still in my 20s). Any difference bigger than that and it is too unequal of a relationship for me.
it seems a lot of the age difference is really subjective. people on the outside of relationships might see it as crazy, but the people inside the relationship dont. plus as time passes it seems to become less and less important. 65 year old man with a 55 year old woman? not unheard of. now if the difference was between 20 and 65, its a little different in the eyes of the public.
i think 4 year difference is ideal, as most korean people would say. 4 years is not a big age gap.
my parents are 9 years apart…its so weird, had they grown up knowing each other, my mom would have been 5 when my dad started HS… thats just bizarre to me. but they seem to be fine now. altho dad’s retired and enjoying a life my mom wont get to enjoy for years to come. =(
Forgive me, but what exactly is the point of xanga true?
And when will we stop being so PC and start recognizing for quality rather than quantity or whatever else?
as you get older the less that gap seems important
The problem with age gaps is when you don’t get the same jokes from your childhood, though I suppose it’s all a matter of opinion. Four years isn’t that much, so I see why it wouldn’t be too big of a deal.
it doesn’t get any cheesier than olivia newton john and xanadu!
i think large age gaps can be pretty seamless or difficult, depending on what stage in life each person is in. an older couple (let’s say she’s in her 30s, and her partner is 45) might not notice the age gap because they probably have already established their careers, and are now starting to build a family/home, etc. but the age gap can be pretty difficult if you have a 30 year old dating a 21 yr old. both of them probably have very different mindsets and goals.
I think it’s more whatever your comfort zone is. I am more comfortable only dating someone 4-5 years older than me, but I am not comfortable dating anyone more than 4-5 years younger than me.
my husband and I are 6 years apart and we never think about it.
for men younger the better. that’s why so many men ‘trade in their old car for a new one’
that’s hardly a difference–we are 5 years apart–i’m younger. I like older men, always have.
A large difference would be more like 10-20 years. But that’s just a number–I don’t want to judge a couple that has this much difference between them. I’ve seen both the younger woman and the younger man. Our society is stll more welcoming of the older man combination, sad to say, because a lot of women just get foxier and smarter as they get older P This is a good idea for a future post.
I’ve always wondered why it was fine for an older guy to marry a younger woman, but it’s creepy for an older woman to have a younger guy (a la Demi and Ashton).
I still insist age is just a number. 4 years is not that much.
My parents were 27 years apart. My dad was 60 and my mom 33 when they got married. Because of that, I always thought the guy should be older. Now, I’m 2 years older than my husband.
It was kind of funny growing up – people would talk about their grandfathers being in World War II, and I could say my dad was!
He died soon after I was born, though, but I hear he was an awesome guy. 
4 years is prettry much nothing. I’m a big fan of older guys myself. It’s all relative to how old you are at the time.. 4 years difference when you were 16 and she was 12 would have been pretty gross but once you’re both over 18 age difference shouldn’t matter so long as both are about the same in maturity.
i think my max in dating guys older would be 5yrs. After that some things I wouldn’t get because of the age difference. Of course there are exceptions to every rule
i agree with someone’s comment above….age really doesn’t matter. hubby and i are 14 years apart. he looks and acts so young which is why i was shocked when i found out how old he is. but it’s ok….i like how he knows stuff i don’t know and vice versa. we each have our own hobbies and personalities which complement each other so i think it’s perfect! but i’m biased…heheh
i read somewhere (possibly jared diamond) that the average preference the world over is four inches taller and three years older. so you’re in that thick part of the curve probably.
Every year that goes by, my age difference grows.
17 is legal in New York. 17/31? That’s HOT!
I’ll stick with 20, my new favorite age.
High school seniors are stupid.
Besides, been there, done that.
4 yrs is not big age gap. i think 7+ starts to be a big gap.
My girl is 4 1/2 years younger than me.. I’ve learned that it’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.
your welcom.
I think it’s o.k. as long as they are in love.
Are you responsible for the “new” interface? If not, could you relay this message to whomever is:
“PPbbbbttttt!!! Eat turds and die.”
I was going to be a little more professional, but this one felt better in my gut.
Four years doesn’t sound like a lot.
You love her.. she loves you… I don’t see a problem at all. Age is just a number they put on drivers licenses anyway.
4 or 5 years is fine. 10 gets iffy and more than that weird.
Check this out
Just in fun.
I agree with alexiah100… and! I still listen to the radio! Sometimes..
if age is a concern…. when in doubt, go with the half-plus-seven rule.
your’s nothing i guess…in asian countries, a lot of girls tend to marry men who are 6 yrs or more older than them..
Did you even answer the question? haha. You just mentioned the age diff between you and your wife, which I don’t think is a big gap anyway.
I think larger gaps are acceptable as the couple ages. Like for example, 18 year olds and 10 year olds would be “disgusting”, but a 30 year old and a 22 year old would be more “acceptable”.
Isn’t there a rule where you shouldn’t marry a woman that’s younger than half your age + 7?
@sorjai - Ah you’re right, I didn’t answer the question. I have no problems with large age differences, especially as a couple gets older (as you mentioned).
I met my wife when I was 29 and she was 25. At that point in my life, I don’t think I could’ve gone much younger than that without noticing it. Now at 33, maybe I wouldn’t notice a 6 year age gap? So I guess that prove your point.
4 years isn’t much of a difference
i don’t think much of it unless there’s a huge disparity — like a 25-year age-gap or something. like when anna nicole smith married that geriatric oil tycoon — that’s when i raise an eyebrow. but otherwise, i dont think age differences are a big deal if the relationship works. my parents are 10 years apart so i guess i grew up with that.
I think it’s okay as long as both individuals are over the age of consent.
@HaGuy711 - Acltually HaGuy…the average preference the world over is four inches LONGER and three inches wider.
Juuuuuust sayin’.
To me it kind of matters. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable in having a partner as young as my brother or as old as my father. However, my parents are 8 years a part and happily married.
I just turned 20 on January 3 and my husband will be 28 on April 17..
Doesn’t bother me!
We’re all the same in the dark.
neat that you’re participating in the fq. Is is a Xanga person that runs the “Why” page?? It just kind of sits there… Just wondering…
The boring guy didn’t like Will Ferrell, Superbad, or basically any worthy comedy. I don’t know if that has anything to do with age, but it was also a DEAL BREAKER.
RYC: Polyvore.com is a site for girls who collage outfits from across the internet, taking individual pieces from online stores and combining them….yea. Probably too girly for you.
Age gaps don’t really matter when people are madly in love … or so I think. Though I personally won’t go with a guy who’s more than half my age! But I don’t really detest those people who are in that situation. Cheers! Happy Valentine’s Day!
John, I thank ye for bestowing such gracious blessings unto my Xanga. Amen.
40 years, as long as shes rich.
happy valentine’s day!
I’ve heard of a saying, “It’s okay as long as he’s within twice your age plus seven”.
Dunno why…
^_^
I would say that 4 years is a good difference. My upper limit is 10, and that is maybe pushing it (that is more for down the road). And since I am 20, I don’t usually date lower.
I am seven years older than my husband and he never lets me forget it.
Then I remind him that I was drinking in bars when he was still watching Ninja Turtles. That shuts him right up.
I just wanted to say that my boyfriend are 12 years apart and for the most part it’s cool. I pretend incredibly jaded, worldly, and wise, and he’s 35 going on 25 so it works out.
He’s just happy I was alive during the ’80s so we can talk about the same movies and music.
The only time it gets at all awkward is with family. I’m only a couple years older than his nieces and nephews and he has a brother that’s my dad’s age…
And to add to more family awkwardness, he’s only 3 years younger than my new stepfather. I date guys much older, my mom dates them much younger!
well I dont see much of a difference in a 29 and 33 it just a Number.
you don’t update as often as you used to anymore.
You dork…that’s no age difference!!! If anythang, she’s a bit too mature for you
Damn…wrong profile pic
thanks john!!!
you made my day yesterday!!!
my parents are 6 years apart. They met when she was 21 and he was 27. Nothing wrong there. But when he was 18 she was only 12. That would be wrong. The older you get the less the gap matters I guess.
my parents have always said that if the guy is 4 yrs older than the girl, it’s perfect…cause guys are mentally 4 yrs behind anyways. LOL
personally I think age is all about maturity.
I don’t condone underage children to be with adults but if a 40 year old man wanted to marry a 19 year old girl that is thier choice. They are legal.
Same for a woman. Sometimes the 19 year old’s are more mature than the 40 year old’s I know.
There is an age difference between me and my husband of 12 years. I don’t really notice the difference, we both talk to each other like equals, not like one is older or younger than the other. We really love each other and plus my husband looks heaps younger than he is. Most people think he is the same age of me, because African’s have really good genes.
-Heidi
@BenjimonYetAgain -
I Hate It Want People Say 18 Is Legal, When Its Actually 17, For Consent Anyways >.>
Btw, I Dont Think There Is Anything Wrong With Large Age Differences, As Long As They’re Happy… I Just Think A Good Relationship Should Not Revolve Around A Difference In Age And Culture And Such. Like You Said, You And Your Wife Can Talk About The Cartoons And The Radio… But I Mean A Couple Could Be, Half A Century Apart, But If They Feel Truely Good, And It Works, With No Alternative Motives Such As Gold Diggers…
PS. I DESPISE GOLD DIGGERS! =)
My current beau is 24 & I am 28. I was worried about it at first but he is totally ok with it. I think on certain levels that age it is just a state of mind.
It’s unusual… but it seems to be becoming more common. My boyfriend and I are 6 months apart. The only benefit I can see to dating someone older in my case would be… the guy would be more settled than I am. We wouldn’t be struggling together to get started, so things would be easier.
Ps. I love all of your posts
Probably because you’re allowing me to give you my opinion 
(which I would have done anyway… but you’re just so darned open to it*)
Haha, I know what you mean XD – I listen to the radio every day! Like right now! :]
At the moment, me and my boyfriend are 5 years apart. It’s a bit hard at times, because he’s older so, you know, he’s done stuff I havn’t. But it’s quite nice at the same time because it’s a lot less akward for the both of us, and he’s been through the phase of life I’m in right now, and he knows I’ll get over it lol. And I agree with the cartoons bit – we both remember the same shows growing up (to a point) and it’s nice that we can relate with something trivial like that and talk about it from slightly different points of view. The older you get, the less it matters, anyways, so I’d have to say age can just go shove it up the arse.
My favourite quote of all time: Age is mind over matter – If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
My wife and I are 10 years apart, i am 27 she is 37, works out really well for us..